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As we’re closing out the month of March, I can’t help but be amazed at the milestones that are upon us. Our daughter, our first frozen embryo who blossomed into the most beautiful being, is turning one this weekend. Just a few days later, her twin brothers will be eight. It never ceases to amaze me that the three of them were created at the same time, yet they had to wait almost 8 years to be reunited.
While the twins were transferred into my waiting womb, our daughter and the rest of her siblings entered into cryo-preservation. As we welcomed the boys into the world, she patiently waited for her turn. And ever so graciously, she endured a longer stay when her third brother surprised us all, knowing all along he was meant to be here before her. She has such a special bond with all of her brothers, but there seems to be a subtle, gentle, indescribable connection between her and the twins – and I wonder.
I wonder if she knows she was there at the beginning with them.
I wonder if they all know their lives started together at the very same moment and they grew alongside each other for five days. And as my thoughts continue to drift, I wonder about the rest of our embryos, still waiting for their time to come. The twins repeatedly ask for more siblings – as if they somehow know there are other souls who belong here with us. This weekend makes me wonder more than ever when that next birthday celebration will be.
We’re on the watchtower, paying close attention to the movement of God’s Spirit and waiting patiently for His timing.
Not only are we about to celebrate the lives of these three precious babies, but we’re acutely aware their birthdays also mark the beginning of the next leg of our journey. We’re beginning to feel that unmistakable, palpable anticipation that only comes from the Lord. We know He is working behind the scenes, aligning our circumstances is His perfect way, setting the stage for what is yet to come.
In addition, my own birthday looms on the horizon. In just a few weeks, I am entering the final year of my thirties. It’s hard to believe the last decade has come and gone so quickly, with so much life change packed into a relatively short span of time. I can only imagine what my forties will bring as the Lord continues to grow our family. As all my friends are winding down the child-bearing years and focusing on rearing and launching their kids into the world, I still feel like I’m ramping up in this area and about to hit the turbo button. It’s entirely likely I will ring in my fortieth birthday with a baby in my belly, a young toddler on my hip, and three young rambunctious boys all clamoring around me for attention.
It’s not quite what I had pictured when I married Scott at twenty-five, but I’m thankful for the energy and stamina the Lord continues to give me fourteen years later. I’m grateful He built me with determination and grit. Although I know our lives will look entirely different from most of our friends, and the majority of the world, I’m excited to see what God has in store for us and eager to be one step closer to completing our family.
So, this month, in the flurry of all my thoughts, between the busyness of all our birthdays, and in the midst of all the Lord’s activity, I distinctly sense His call to be still and keep a watchful eye.
Be still and know that I am God. Wait patiently before Me. The time is approaching.
At the same time, I know His call to be still is not a call to do nothing. It’s a call to get prepared, to pack our emotional, spiritual, and physical bags for the journey ahead. It‘s a call to be ready. We’re filling our canteens with Living Water and stuffing our packs with the Bread of Life.
At the prompting of the Spirit, I’ve set up our consultation appointment with our reproductive endocrinologist for the week after my birthday. It’s a necessary step in the process that must be completed first. At this meeting, we will lay the foundation for our next FET cycle with our physician. If any additional testing or labs are needed, we can get those scheduled and checked off our to-do list.
Simultaneously, I can see the Lord working in my body at the same time that I’m actively preparing myself to be a vessel for His purposes. My hormones are leveling out and my postpartum thyroid issues are resolving. My periods have returned with regularity. Slowly but surely, my daughter is weaning from breastfeeding, and I suspect we will stop completely within the next one to two months. Although I don’t particularly enjoy working out, I’m back on the bandwagon, determined to tone my body as best as I can to support my next pregnancy and give myself a running start.
And, as individuals and as a couple, we’re in prayer often, asking for discernment of His will, and watching carefully for His timing. Our small group from church has joined us in our requests before the Lord. We’re going about our days and weeks, waiting patiently and eagerly, with hopeful anticipation and steadfast trust.
We’re moving forward, putting one foot in front of the other, all the while heeding His instructions to be still, be prepared, and watch. We are waiting on the Lord’s call, looking carefully and intentionally for the mark of His Spirit in our circumstances, poised to immediately act when He says “move”.
And as we head into this weekend, excited for the celebrations to come, I know the Lord is in our midst.
We are on the watchtower.
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