*IF YOU ARE NEW TO OUR SITE, please read Our Story prior to reading any of our articles (link in top menu bar). Thank you!* This post may contain affiliate links . If you click on the link and make a purchase, we will receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. Please see our disclaimer page for more information. All opinions remain our own.
In all honesty, this entry is late by a few days because I was feeling completely uninspired to write it. May was a tough month with end of school activities and a never ending to-do list and, frankly, I wasn’t sure exactly what to say.
It started out with our consultation visit to our Reproductive Endocrinologist, which went very well, but since then I’ve hardly had time to think about our upcoming FET with four other kids to take care of around the clock. And for the first time ever, I don’t feel like we need to be in a rush to have another baby.
I’ll admit – it’s nice.
My every waking thought isn’t consumed by when our next child will come, perhaps because I’m so busy, and definitely because Scott and I have matured spiritually. We’re at peace with God’s plan. I remember how obsessed I used to be with trying to have a baby and how emotionally draining it all was, so this change of pace in our approach is a breath of fresh air.
After our consultation, I completed my saline sonogram sometime around the middle of the month. The results were normal, as expected. Since then, we’ve had it on our list to have our labs drawn, complete some online modules, and fax over some forms. I’ve had the paperwork in my hands for weeks. We’ll get it done soon but it just hasn’t been a priority.
Our clinic keeps reaching out to us to remind us that we still have down payments to make and action items to complete before our baseline – we’re well aware. But our baseline is several months off so we don’t feel pressure to act fast. We won’t be in town for a good chunk of the summer so, at the very soonest, it will be August before we move forward with our FET. I’m sure they’re not used to having people take their time and drag out the process.
Truth be told, I’ve been more worried about balancing my role as wife, mother, and homemaker with my new position as an online support coordinator and entrepreneur (a.k.a blogger, lol). This isn’t to say that we’re not excited about our next child – we totally are! But we’re simply at peace with the process and resting in God while we wait for His signal. So, not a whole lot about these two visits seemed overly special. They were necessary tasks that had to be completed before the really exciting part begins.
In the meantime, I’ve been spending every free moment building my business so I can reach and support others like us. It’s really hard work with ample opportunity to get discouraged and overwhelmed. There are many days I want to quit – a common sentiment shared by new bloggers – and I’ve come close several times.
So, near the end of the month, when I was tired and run down in all regards, I almost let the stress of blogging, parenting, and life get the better of me – until I was given a word straight from God. After one of the hardest days of my new business, when the kids were being especially challenging, I climbed in bed and opened my devotional, eager to clear my mind and ponder the great things of heaven. Right there, at the top of my page, was a small, short piece of Scripture that shot straight into my heart and settled immediately in my soul.
Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin (New Living Translation, Zech. 4:10) 1.
It instantly reminded me that anything worth fighting for starts with one small act of faith that seems insignificant, maybe even frustrating, at the time. As humans with limited perspective, we hate to be at the beginning, wondering where we’ll go, what we’ll see, or what the future will hold. We’re in such a rush to get there, to be this, or to do that.
But isn’t the beginning necessary, and really, the most important part? How often are we at the start of a great adventure, on the outset of a journey, or at the birth of an incredible idea and we fail to understand where we actually are. Why don’t we view the beginning as a crucial step that will ultimately, with time, bring about something amazing? How often do we despise our own small beginnings?
We forget to take joy in the present, recognize the small accomplishments of our days, and value the overall process. We forget that the first step is so important. It shows courage of heart, determination towards our future, and unshakable faith when we risk without knowing the outcome. It shows a willingness to fail and get it all wrong – but also strength and perseverance while we strive to get it all right.
I’d forgotten that I was at the beginning this month – in so many ways.
I realized there had actually been incredible significance in our visit to our physician. It was the first small step towards fulfilling a directive given to us by God, to continue expanding our family through FET – and it hadn’t even dawned on me that the Lord rejoiced to see our work begin. He was there in the room as I received my sonogram, delighting in my faith-filled actions. He’s eagerly awaiting the completion of our labs, our online assignments, and our paperwork. And when we submit our down payment for our cycle, He will rejoice at our obedience and trust, not only for our finances, but for our future. These small actions that I viewed as part of my to-do list were actually extremely meaningful and exciting to the Lord.
And then the blog. I was so discouraged this past month, feeling like I wasn’t getting anywhere, barely making a dent in the online world. The frustrations of blogging are endless – but I realized I was missing the point. I’d forgotten how far I’d come and that I’m still really only at the beginning. I’ve learned so much and accomplished so many things, but I’d forgotten to celebrate my small successes and triumphs along the way. I’ve been too focused on what’s left to be done. And while I’ve been wrapped up in all these little headaches and irritations over the past 6 months, the Lord rejoiced to see my work begin. He’s the One who put this on my heart in the first place and He jumps for joy every time I put one foot in front of the other and keep going.
And our family. The Lord brought me home early last fall in order to raise our children and live out the calling He’s given for our family. Although I’m still very much at the start of this journey, of finding out who I am without my career to define me, I’ve failed to recognize the many blessings that come from being at home and not having a defined schedule. This is the first time I’ve been able to stay home with one of our babies, witnessing all the wonderful “firsts” that infancy and toddlerhood bring. This is the first summer I haven’t had to worry about childcare, taking PTO for vacation, or worry that my kids aren’t seeing enough of me. While I’ve been struggling in my new role and feeling overwhelmed by the future ahead of me, the Lord rejoiced to see my work begin.
I’ve been caught up in all the difficulties of everyday life instead of rejoicing in the beauty of my new beginnings.
Every time I (we) take a step in the right direction, a step in His direction, God celebrates our obedience and beams at our faith. As we continue to walk along this road called life, I’m going to do my very best to remember that every small step of faith I take, every task of obedience I complete, and every action of love I carry out has eternal meaning and significance in the kingdom of heaven.
Are You Struggling With What To Do With Your Leftover Embryos? We would love to help.
Get our free 10-Step Guide to help you take the next steps on your journey with your leftover frozen embryos and begin to live with peace in your hearts. We’ve personally followed each step in this guide on our own journey – and over time we’ve received discernment, clear direction, and hope.
Kindly fill out the form below to get the password for our Resource Library so you can access the guide. We hope you find it helpful, encouraging, thought-provoking, and full of inspiration for your journey.
* If you need additional support or guidance as you consider your choices with your embryos, please join our private FB community, Leftover Frozen Embryos Support Group. Here, we talk in real time with other parents about the difficulties of living life with leftover frozen embryos and the options we have moving forward. You can also join our email list to receive support, encouragement, and updates on new content and our personal journey.
- The Bible. New Living Translation. Bible Gateway/Biblica, 2011. BibleGateway.com, www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Zechariah+4%3A10&version=NLT. Accessed 4 June 2019.